"The things you wanna feel
I'll give you anything
To feel it comin'"
Christmas time already and I am so ecstatic and yet, really, very sad. After Christmas it feels as if my life will be completely changed forever. Good and bad.
My sister is leaving for Montana in January, before school starts. I will be an only child here until Graduation in May, and if we don't have the money then I won't even see her. We will get to talk on the phone three times a week or so, and e-mail every once in a blue moon. My sister and I, we have our differences but I cannot imagine a world without her. She keeps me going, I do half of the things I do for her. We keep each others secrets, hold each others hands. We lift each other up, even if we do fight, we always make up. I am crying now.
Final Exams for English, Clinical Spectrum, History, and Band are done with; meaning when I go back to school on January 6th, I will be a Library Aid, then Physics, and Clinical Majors. I'll be working at a veterinarian clinic during schools once we start doing our Clinicals.
Graduation is in May, May 21st to be exact. My heart hurts, I am going to be leaving so many and so much behind to go off a start my new life. I break down and cry at random times and my friends do too. Then we go and suck it up and pretend as if nothing happened, as if we won't be leaving each other soon. Yeah we will have phone and e-mail but it's not the same as seeing each other. I know I am blubbering, but I just need to say these things.
Last Friday night, I broke my good girl streak for one night. I already told my dad what happened and he understands because "he was a teenager once himself". It was nothing horribly bad, I was going to try it sooner or later. Actually it wasn't bad at all, just disgusting. I really dissapointed Sasha though, and his opinion matters more than anyones atm. So I promised I wouldn't do it again.
"And I'll do anything you ever
Dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothing that fall
May put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
May do you wanna get married
Or run away "
I barely tell my mom anything at all anymore. It is sort of like, we never talk. Yeah, I am a teenager I get on the computer, am on the phone, I talk about boys....but I don't get to talk to my mom.
Anyways...
This Christmas is going to be very slim, but I don't care. Some friends and I want to go on a vacation after Graduation, and one of their family members is paying for our three tickets and stay, I just need to get $50 for a passport. I only have $5, so that is what I am asking for. Not sure how long it takes to get one, but I need to get it right after my birthday if not before.
My computer was busted for almost a month because of a power surge one night, a bad storm came though. So I just got it back yesterday.
I got to talk to my Norway friend again yesterday, it's been forever since I heard from him and he really put a smile on my face. In fact, all of my friends put a smile on my face.
Yesterday morning my oven caught on fire before I went to school. I had no idea it was on fire because I was in the shower and the only one home. I didn't cook anything that morning, and when I got out I smelled smoke and rushed into the dining room. I tried to put it out but the fire extinquisher...yeah. See I didn't know how to make it work, even though I read the directions (turned out I was just not pressing it hard enough).
Any of you ever wanted to tell your family about someone, but when you are about ready to, they bring it up themselves? And you feel like you're being intruded on? I feel like that. I want to tell them about this special someone, but how? I guess I will let it play out on it's own.
Licking Elbows and Chewing Zippers
Compassion
Tired
